Promise of a Lifetime
by SubRosaTriad
Summary: a song-fic to Kutless's 'Promise of a Lifetime'. Xanli, the Organization's servant, has to calm down Saix after he goes on a rampage and almost kills Luxord in the process. She discovers the pain he has held inside over not having a heart and comforts him


Xanli smiled to herself as she plucked out a song from the smooth keys on the piano

'…' is thoughts and quotes, "…" is speech

Xanli smiled to herself as she plucked out a song from the smooth keys on the piano. This was the only room in the entire castle that was truly hers, the piano room. It was a tiny room, more of a closet really, at the farthest corner of Castle Oblivion. It had been forgotten for the longest while when she found it, a sheet nailed over the window and dust covering the floor. She had wondered what it was used for, she asked Xigbar and he said they'd used it for storage for a little while but he wasn't really sure himself. She found it a shame to just let it waste away, plus no one else really wanted to do anything with it. So no one protested when she swept out the dust and the dead bugs and made it her own, the only thing in the castle that was her own. But the greatest moment of all in the room's restoration, Xanli thought, was the pulling away of the sheet from the window.

The servant had performed all the tasks asked of her for the day and had the time to do what she wished until something else was asked for. She opened the door into the dark room. The bright afternoon sunlight was fighting to reach around the sheet holding it back from brightening the room, reawakening it and giving it life again. Xanli felt along the top of the sheet until she found the metal nub of a nail. She pulled a hammer out of her pocket and fixed the claw around it. It was hard to pull it out at this angle, her arm straight up in the air, but she worked at the nail by twisting it out. The rusted metal came away quickly and the sheet fell away to expose part of the windowpane again. Though the glass was coated with paint-like layers of dust, the sun still shone through into the room with an almost blinding brilliance. Xanli squinted against the light and the floating dust and pried out the other three nails before she let the sheet fall away completely.

It was like the end to an endless night, the red haired servant thought to herself. The window was still coated with dust and cobwebs but the golden sunlight spilled in as if the world had been reborn. The window took up most of the wall, a rectangle with an arch at the top like a stained-glass church window. The frame was golden filigree that allowed the window to swing open when unlatched. The room seemed to be brought to life by the sun, like the blind seeing light once again. Xanli couldn't remember ever seeing an earthly thing ever being so beautiful and couldn't help but fall to her knees onto the dusty, shining floor and stare in awe at the light washing over her.

Xanli spent most of her free time in that room, but didn't know exactly what to do with it. Until one day when she returned home after running errands. Her Master Demyx had asked her to pick up some sheet music for him when she was out in Twilight Town. She knocked softly on the Nocturne's door and it swung open to reveal his smiling face to her. "Hey Xanli! Did they have it?"

The servant couldn't help but smile and blush a bit when he spoke to her. Demyx was the only one who was always so kind to her and always called her by name. Sometimes she would even forget that she was his servant. When she was with him, they were equals and she could do nothing but laugh.

"Yes they did, Master Demyx." She held out a thin folder to him containing the sheet music. He made a sound of excitement, took it and jumped onto his bed. He crossed his legs and summoned his sitar into his hands. "I've been waiting to learn this for so long!"

Xanli smiled at her Master's passion of music as he began to pluck out a song on his blue instrument. She shut her eyes to immerse herself in the music and swayed side to side a bit with the song. Normally she just left after making a delivery to one of her Masters, but she liked to listen to him play and even if he would never admit it, she knew he liked to have someone to listen.

Xanli felt as if she was put into a trance by the melody when the sound was suddenly cut through by Demyx's voice. "Huh?" She opened her eyes and blinked. "I'm sorry, would you repeat that for me, kind Master?"

The Nocturne grinned and repeated his question. "Do you play any instruments? Its lonely to have jam sessions by myself."

The red head felt her cheeks burn a bit as if she had leaned over a teapot when it let out the steam. One of her Masters was inquiring about her personal life, about what she could do and what she liked! Xanli looked down at her feet and held her hands behind her back. She twisted in place like a shy child who was questioned by a grown up and didn't know quite how to answer.

Demyx raised a sandy eyebrow at her. "Hello? Come on, I won't bite."

Xanli looked up with a 'Huh?' "Um…" She bit her lip and looked down again. "Well, sometimes…I wish I had a piano…"

He grinned broadly at her again, that grin that always made her feel like somebody more than just a worker. "Piano, got it!"

A few days later, a simple piano was against the wall in her room when she walked in. Xanli ran her hands over the keys and felt tears of gratitude falling down her face. She couldn't remember the last time anyone had done anything so selfless and kind for her.

_I have fallen to my knees_

_As I sing a lullaby of pain_

_I'm feeling broken in my melody_

_As I sing to help the tears go away _

Now the servant played the piano any chance she got. Xanli shut her eyes as her fingers flew across the keys, notes and chords coming out clean and true. She smiled and let herself disappear into the sound. Suddenly though, she heard something a bit out of place. She stopped playing and opened her eyes. "Huh?"

That didn't sound quite like a sour note. Xanli slowly reached down to one of the keys to see if it was broken. When she pressed it down, when she expected to hear a note she heard something quite different.

"RAAAAAAR!" I loud roar and a crash sounded from out in the halls somewhere. "Uh oh." Xanli stood up so quickly she almost knocked the piano bench over. "I know that roar…"

She ran through the hallways towards the sound of the ruckus. The servant was a bit out of breath by the time she reached the source of the crashing and the angry noises. "Oh not again…"

Her Master Saîx had gone Berserk and was lashing out at one of the other members. Xanli focused her eyes on the black blur hopping through the hallway and recognized the blonde hair and goatee. Master Luxord was jumping about to dodge the swings of Saîx's heavy claymore. He turned his head mid-leap to see Xanli standing at the end of the hallway. "Oh, 'ello love." He jumped again from a downward swing. Saîx snarled angrily as he tried to pull his weapon from the marble floor. The Brit took the opportunity to run and grab the servant's wrist along the way. "Come on, we best stay out of the line of fire until he cools off."

Xanli stumbled as she was pulled along by her Master, but regained her footing quickly and was soon running along side him. "Master Luxord, why is Master Saîx angry this time?"

Luxord shook his head. His face clearly showed a state of some distress. "I'm not sure, lass. He went out on a mission and when he got back I asked him how it went, and now he's trying to kill me."

They both made a sound of surprise when the Berserker roared again, now not far behind them. Xanli ducked her head and put her hands over it defensively. "Maybe he had a bad mission, and something happened that's making him angry?"

Luxord furrowed his brow as he pondered over this possibility. "Well that does sound logical, but how do we find out what-"

The gambler cried out in surprise and pain as the claymore grazed across the back of his left calf. He fell to the ground and groaned in pain before looking up. The Berserker's yellow eyes were storming tempests of venom as he loomed over him, snarling like a fight dog before it bit out its opponent's throat.

"Master Luxord!" Xanli cried out as he fell to the ground, her slate grey eyes then widening with fear as she watched Saîx raise up his claymore to bring it down on the Brit's head. The servant looked up with terror at the rough blade. There was no doubt in her mind that it could kill her with one blow. Her body felt as thought it had become locked in a steel frame and was incapable of motion as her mind frantically raced to try and figure out just what she could do.

Luxord looked back at her, his only hope of survival. She seemed frozen completely still as the Berserker let out his victorious battle cry. The gambler reached out a hand to her, whether to push her away or to draw her closer he didn't know. All he could do was call out her name.

"Xanli!"

The servant was shocked out of her trance by the sound of her name. She looked down to see her Master's cool blue eyes pleading with her for sanctuary. It was at that moment that she remembered something important, something that would cement her decision as to just what to do…

"So, you want to stay here, do you?"

Xanli looked up at the man on the throne for a fleeting moment before quickly returning her gaze to the floor and nodding.

The silver-haired man leaned foreword and kept his glittering golden eyes locked on the girl before her. "And just what reason do you have that I should let you stay here?"

'It's the right thing to do to provide shelter for those who need it?' But something told Xanli that that explanation wouldn't work with him. She kept her eyes on her feet as she recited the reply she knew had the greatest chance of success.

"I shall be your servant. I shall perform any task which is asked of me, no matter how grueling it may be. I shall serve without expecting pay, luxury, or days off. I shall work day or night without complaint and succeed in whatever is asked of me or will accept my punishment."

Xemnas didn't take his eyes from the tiny girl before him. "I highly doubt someone like you could perform the manual labor that is sure to be asked of you…"

Xanli's head snapped up to stare straight into those honey pools of eyes set in that stern copper face. "Please Master sir, just give me a chance! A full week without complaint, that is all I ask! I swear on my soul, on my life that I shall not fail you or be a weight to your Organization!"

Xemnas looked down his nose again at the girl. 'She's determined, you have to admire that.' The Leader leaned back in his throne and seemed to think it over. He delighted in seeing the girl squirm in suspense. After a moment, he slowly leaned foreword again to look right at her. "Alright, I have come to a decision."

Xanli couldn't help but snap to attention a bit more. 'Don't look so eager!' "Yes, sir?"

He leaned back to pronounce his verdict. "I will permit you to stay in Castle Oblivion under the conditions that you serve its inhabitants unconditionally. That means following all orders and protecting any who come under threat with your life. Understand?"

Xanli couldn't help but grin broadly when he spoke. She tried to suppress it and fell to her knees to bow to him. "Thank you, kind Master! I swear I shall not fail you!"

_Then I remember the pledge you made to me _

Xanli's memory of her pledge flashed before her eyes. She had a sacred contract to fulfill. She had sworn on her life that she would protect her Masters even if it meant her own death.

The red head dashed in front of Luxord just as the claymore began whistling downwards through the air. She held out her arms in a protective manner and clenched her jaw shut so she wouldn't flinch as she stared up into the Berserker's yellow eyes.

Saîx stopped his assault right before the blade hit his servant's head. He gritted his teeth in anger as his muscles trembled with the same fury. Why couldn't he bring himself to cut through the servant girl when he was so willing to kill one of his own comrades?

Xanli felt her heart beating in her chest so hard she feared it would burst right there in her ribcage. Still, through the fear and the imminent threat of death she held her ground, stance strong and sturdy as her dark eyes bore into her Master's yellow ones. She willed with her mind for him to just stop, to just go and leave them both be. But at the same time she knew she couldn't let him just leave. Behind the anger and the bitter rage in those eyes she saw something deeper, something like pain that she longed to heal.

After a moment of indecision the Berserker let out one last roar and threw his claymore to the side and into a wall, where it dematerialized. Xanli felt breath return to her lungs as he turned and stormed down the hallway. She hadn't even realized she was holding her breath up until this point. She waited until she heard Saîx slam the door to his room before turning to Luxord. "Are you alright, Master Luxord?"

He forced a smile to reassure her as he stood. "I'm alright lass, just a graze. Just a bandage and I'll be right as rain." He looked down the hallway in the direction the Berserker had went and sighed. "What I just don't understand is…" He chuckled and ran his fingers through his platinum blonde hair with disbelief. "How did you get him to stop like that?"

Xanli smiled a bit and looked down at the ground. "I just don't know…" She bent down to take a look at his leg. "Maybe I should-"

She froze at the feeling of the gambler's hand against her forehead as he stopped her. He pushed her gently back up to his feet and smiled at the red head. "I'm alright, love. Just a flesh wound, I can take care of it myself. I think that bloke is the one who needs you right now."

Xanli blinked at her Master but smiled a bit. She could read the warm smile he gave her; he knew how much she wanted to go comfort Saîx. "Thank you, kind Master." She stood on her toes to lean in and give him a peck on the cheek before running off to the Berserker's room.

Luxord was taken off guard by the kiss and blinked his blue eyes in surprise. But he couldn't keep himself from grinning and he reached up to touch the place where her lips had met his skin with his fingertips. "She's a odd one, that girl…"

_I know you're always there_

_To hear my every prayer inside_

_I'm clinging to the promise of a lifetime_

_I hear the words you say _

_To never walk away from me and leave behind_

_The promise of a lifetime_

Xanli stood awkwardly outside the Berserker's door. It was silent inside, but she didn't want to be fooled by the calm before the storm, walk inside and lose her head. The servant stayed where she was and twisted back and forth. She took her copper red braid in her hands and tugged at it nervously. She loved her hair, she had almost never cut it and it was as long as she was tall. She nibbled on the end of it like she had when she was a little girl when she was trying to come to a decision about something. She suddenly straightened up and dropped her hair from her mouth as she heard something from inside the room.

It was a soft sad sound, muffled by something, what Xanli couldn't tell. She leaned closer to put her ear against the door and listen. The sound was now easily discernable as quiet sobs.

Xanli couldn't help but be a bit surprised by this. "Is Master Saîx…crying?" She was stunned by such a show of emotion from one of the most hardened members of the Organization. But then some lost bit of wisdom suddenly echoed in her head: 'Anyone is capable of anything. Even the softest individuals are capable of hardness, and even the hardest of individual are capable of softness.' Xanli looked down at her hands. They could be hard when she was fighting to defend her home and masters or dragging a heavy parcel home from Twilight Town, and then soft when she put disinfectant in Xigbar's eye socket or when helping Marluxia tend to his most delicate of plants. She looked up to look at and through the door at the injured man on the other side. The servant drew in a deep breath to gather her courage and slowly gripped the doorknob to push the door open.

The door squeaked a bit from being slammed so many times as Xanli took one step inside. She was fully prepared for a punch to the face or an angry shout to get out, but was pleasantly surprised by silence. She looked around the dark room until her eyes settled on a form on the bed. Saîx was laying facedown with his eyes buried into his pillow. Xanli felt her chest ache with the quiet sound of his sobs. She tentatively took a step towards him. "Master Saîx…"

His pointed ears twitched at the sound of her voice. Trying to regain his vicious façade, the Berserker turned towards her with a snarl. "Get out of here, servant!"

Xanli had gotten used to his constant displays of aggression by this point, and the tears still visible on his cheeks gave her the courage to stay where she was instead of running. The red head slowly approached him with her hands held out and down to show she was no threat. She had developed the technique from dealing with his moods before. "Master Saîx, you may be angry with me if you like. But I want very much to help you." She knelt down on one knee to appear as docile and safe as possible. She smiled softly at him and waited for his response.

Saîx blinked at his servant, confused for two reasons. One being that someone was actually permitting him to be angry, the other being that someone wanted to be kind and helpful towards him. He stared at her for a moment longer before burying his face back into the pillow. "There is nothing anyone can do to help me…"

Xanli exhaled quietly and smiled to herself. She had gotten him to allow her in, that was one milestone passed. The red head sat down gingerly on the side of the bed and rested a hand on her Master's blue hair. "Will you tell me your troubles?"

Saîx flinched a bit when her hand made contact with the back of his head, but when no shock of pain from a blow came he realized she was just resting it there. He felt is body relax under her touch, it was oddly comforting. He shut his eyes as she began to gently run her hand down his hair, then returning it to the back of his head and stroking him again. It had been so long since anyone had petted him, he couldn't even remember if anyone had petted him before. He couldn't remember the last time anyone had been kind to him, as a matter of fact. This felt good though, he hoped she didn't stop soon. After a moment he began to speak to her about what had happened.

"Leader…he sent me off on a mission…he said that if I succeeded in it…I would finally have a heart again." He felt his words catch on a sob and bit down on his bottom lip as tears started welling in his eyes again. After a moment he heard Xanli speak. Her tone of voice had a warm, matronly feel to it. "Yes, go on?"

He took in a shaky breath as he continued. "So I went out…to perform the task that was asked of me…" The Berserker felt his fists clench in his frustration at admitting his failure, both to another and to himself. "But I could not defeat the subject…so I remain Heartless…"

Saîx felt tears coming into his eyes again. It was not the failure of the mission that hurt. That hurt very much too, but that was not the pain that was bringing the tears to his eyes. No, he was crying for himself, mourning over his own loss of a Heart and being unable to be whole. 'I am selfish to think of myself and not the Leader first, I should be punished…'

_Will you help me fall apart_

_Pick me up, take me in your arms_

_Find my way back from the storm_

_And you show me how to grow_

_Through the change_

His thought was cut off by the feeling of a body lying next to him and two hands, one on his left arm and one on the opposite side of his neck, pulling him towards that body. The man blinked in surprise when he realized that his servant had laid down beside him and pulled him into her arms. His eyes were at level with her throat and his cheek pressed against the warm skin of her chest that was left exposed by her Organization coat. He could feel her breath running through his hair and again found it strangely comforting. One of her hands held his head close to her, the other pressed between his shoulder blades. Saîx couldn't understand why she would do such a thing, but he decided he didn't care. This was making him feel better and that was all that mattered. The passive Berserker shut his eyes and immersed into the embrace.

Xanli held his close for some period of time, just enjoying the silence and being so near a man she cared for so deeply. After a moment she bent down to whisper directly into his pointed ear. "Know what I think?"

Saîx could feel the gentle rumble of her voice as she spoke to him and her warm breath against his ear. He didn't want to disturb the silence so he just shook his head the tiniest bit.

The red head smiled a bit and spoke again. "I think you already have a heart. Because the body needs a physical heart to pump blood through it so it can function, and the spiritual heart, the soul, is needed for a being to exist at all. You're alive, you exist. So logically you must have a heart."

The Berserker's eyes widened at her words. Could that really be true? He had never thought about it that way before… He tilted his head up to look at her, tears still falling from his eye. "You…honestly believe that I have a heart, Xanli?"

Xanli smiled with a face as gentle and comforting as a guardian angel's. She took her hand from his back to wipe away his tears. "I know it, and this proves it."

He could feel a smile breaking out across his face as tears came to his eyes once again, these of joy instead of sorrow. "Do you swear it?"

Xanli leaned foreword to plant a kiss on the center of the 'x' shaped scar on his forehead. "I promise you it."

_I still remember the pledge you made to me_

_I know you're always there_

_To hear my every prayer inside_

_I'm clinging to the promise of a lifetime_

_I hear the words you say _

_To never walk away from me and leave behind_

_The promise of a lifetime_

Saîx grinned broadly as the tears ran across his cheeks. He threw his arms around his servant and buried his face against her chest. He could not remember the last time he had felt such happiness. When she had said it was true, he truly believed her, in all honesty. He didn't understand why this girl was different from everyone else he knew, but he loved-love? Yes, he could feel love. He loved her, and he knew he would trust her no matter what happened to them. He felt Xanli chuckle and kiss the top of his head again.

Soon the Berserker felt sleep creeping over him. He yawned and snuggled up closer to Xanli. She ran her fingers though the hair on the back of his head, the rhythm sending him into a trance-like state. Just before he fell asleep, she whispered a bit more healing wisdom into his ear.

"Saîx, you are a good person who deserves good things just as much as anyone else. You have needs too and you don't need to be afraid to address them. I am always here to remind you whenever you need me, and I will always take you into my arms when you need that too."

Saîx could barely register what she was saying, but it must have gotten through as he fell fast asleep in her arms with a smile on his face.

_I am holding on to the hope I have inside_

_With you I will stay through every day_

_Putting my understanding aside _

_And I am comforted_

_To know you're always there_

_To hear my every prayer inside_

_I'm clinging to the promise of a lifetime_

_I hear the words you say _

_To never walk away from me and leave behind_

_The promise of a lifetime_

wooooooo finally done! That took a long time to write drops dead but I hope you like it! Proper story and chapters soon to come. Please read and review, oh how I love the reviews! Unless you just want to say something mean, in which case, don't like don't read! :D

Organization XIII © Disney/Square Enix

Promise of a Lifetime lyrics © Kutless

Xanli © me


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